Awaken
by LisaMR
Summary: JASIA Gia's thoughts on her relationship with Jason.


**AWAKEN**

Betrayal is so final.

It's the chapter in the relationship that burns the rest of the book, no matter how many extraordinary possibilities were left. It's over.

You can't change betrayal into something beautiful. It's a killer. You never realize how deadly it really is until that one person that you've put your whole heart, mind and body into betrays. And the minute the deed has been done, death begins to lurk up on you, bringing you a slow and painful death of the soul.

Sometimes, I wonder if Nikolas really knew what he was doing. I want to believe that his intentions were not to hurt me, but I can't. He was the puppeteer and he played me so well. He had me blinded and for some reason I just kept following and believing, even when every sign pointed out the obvious. He knew how badly I wanted to have my own success. For people to realize that my triumphs had nothing to do with being engaged to the owners son. I didn't want my success labeled as Nikolas's. I really thought that I had earned the cover's and the trips around the world on my own.

I remember what it felt like to have the truth revealed. It was like a thousand knives jabbing into me at once, continuously and they wouldn't stop. The press had a field day with the Cassadine Betrayal. My face was on every magazine cover, and it wasn't for selling cosmetics. The press hunted me for weeks trying to get the exclusive interview.

Nikolas had begged and apologized for his behavior for months, saying he was trying to help me. He did everything he could to win me back. He would fly in my favorite meals in from around the world. One time he filled my apartment with exotic flowers. But kept missing the big sign . He'd lost the sense of being able to see the real problem. Nikolas has always so good at that. When we lived in the cottage he could see the problem been so good at that. When we'd lived in the cottage he could see the problem that was in front of him and he'd fix it with ease and honestly. I loved that about him. But the minute his father came back, he changed into what he'd feared most, Stavros. And no matter who tried to help him, he still denied that he was in the wrong.

It's the worst feeling in the world trying to save the man you love, trying to help himself, only to be pushed further away. And at times, I'd want to run but then out of the blue he would do something that reminded me why I loved him. Maybe he could read my mind and didn't want his trophy girl to leave and him to have lost?

After our breakup I continued with my modeling, but Laura was so angry that I had left her son in his time of need that she basically fired me without saying it.

I was destroyed and my spirit broken into millions of pieces. I was the walking dead for a lack of better words. Everything that I had believed and trusted was gone. Everyone that I thought I knew and counted on, disappeared. But just when you hit the bottom something or in this case someone always comes and rescues you. Okay, so maybe Jason didn't rescue me, but he brought in a ray of light. It was a smile. You wouldn't think a smile would cause such a reaction and change, but it did.

I had been at Jake's, again, when Jason Morgan walked in. We'd never got along, mostly because of his sister Emily. When I blackmailed her, it was instant hate. When he came in, I was downing my third beer. Some how we started talking and then out of the blue he started talking about Emily and how well she was doing. Then it came... "She forgives you for all that shit you pulled. I trust my sister, it's in the past." Someone actually showed faith in me and I smiled. The minute it came onto my lips I wanted more.

Jason awakened my soul and brought a smile to my face. That's how it began.

In the beginning, I'd go to Jake's to relax, it was better then being in the public's eyes and it was an added bonus that Jason was there at times. We could talk about anything and everything, and we did. Sometimes I'd just listen to him talk and other times he would listen to me. The relationship was never slanted, it was always in balance. Then I'd start to crave his presence, longing for his touch and scent. By this time over a month had past since our first encounter. I began planning my days around 'bumping' into Jason and he would do the same. He dropped by my condo the first time on a Monday night. Bearing a six pack of beer. I called in for a pizza and we watched the Giants crush the Cowboys. He told me that I surprised him with my knowledge of football and love for it. I told him I was born and raised in Brooklyn and to always expect the unexpected. Monday nights became out time together, we never missed it, unless he had work, which wasn't often. But if he had to be gone, I'd tape it and we'd watch it another night for our weekly ritual together.

I've often told Jason that he did too much for me and I didn't do enough for him. Normally he shrugs it off and tells me I do a lot. But one time we were on my balcony looking over the park. It was a beautiful night. The sun was just begining to rise and I reminded him of all the things that he's done for me. I still didn't feel as thought I'd done enough for him and I've always regretted that. He put his arms around my waist and pulled me in closer towards his face. His hand touched the side of my face, gently rubbing it with his thumb. I'll never forget what he said...

"Your my solitude."

His voice never sounded as good as it did in that moment. Nor has another person made me feel so loved and needed as he did with his simple word, solitude. To Jason I wasn't some prize he won, nor some trophy to show off. I meant something to him on a deeper level, I was that person you hunt for all your life. Were each other's solitude. Whenever we need each other we're there holding and guiding one another. No matter what comes ahead of us I'll never doubt what I mean for Jason and I hope he never doubts what he means in my life.


End file.
